The gents are gentle on my mind

Sometimes, you just need the help

Yesterday afternoon, I braved the idea of going out for essential shopping for the simple reason that the kind of domestic help I require is unavailable.

Thinking to 15 years ago when I had my other encounter with cancer, I had the prospect of being discharged from the hospital early, but only after they had arranged for a nurse to visit me at my apartment every day.

Until that arrangement had been secured, I was not going to be let out of the sight of the ward nurses and staff until the logistics were sorted out. It happened that my on-off partner did come to stay with me for a few months, ensuring the very basic domestic issues were taken care of apart from the fundamental ability to cook.

The difficulties with getting good help

In this new dispensation, it has been a bit different, an old flame does visit to help with things, but we can agree that it is both sporadic and unreliable. Some have suggested I get a carer to manage things, without considering that would entail a specific set of instructions and particularities that it has taken a good while to even school into those who know me.

Imagine sending a stranger to specific shops for particular things without any consideration of substitution, I know what I need. I cannot have artificial sweeteners generally as they can worsen migraines, beyond that, they will aggravate issues with my waterworks. We can get cranberry juice from any shop, but they all have artificial sweeteners except for the brand bought in the large M&S supermarkets, the smaller M&S shops stock the artificially sweetened varieties.

My kind of shopping revolves around different supermarkets for choices based on brand, variety, quality, cost, and knowing what works for me. My sojourn into the city centre yesterday which was just over two hours visiting four shops included three toilet visits.

All the gents are gentle on my mind

The first, an urgency that presented before I had reached the tram stop, some 700 metres from home. I opted for the disabled toilet in the central library because access to the public toilet in the city council annexe which was nearer had been obstructed by police activity.

In the end, I used my Radar key thrice, to gain access to the disabled toilets and for once, all the three toilets had coat hooks for my coat and hat.

What is different is I used to walk to all these places with ease but between the strength to perform and the anxiety of toilet needs, each outing requires careful and deliberate planning apart from appreciating that the reliance on others can be a bit stressful. They have their own lives that you can only rely on what they offer rather than on what you need and demand.

Making the best choice for recuperation

Back to the issue of having the support and care for domestic arrangements, I have a partner, we are in a long-distance relationship, and this presents an opportunity for them where they have heretofore felt incapacitated to help from afar.

I continually reassure him that I still have his best support in the circumstances. How better to recover and recuperate than with a loved one; paying a stranger to attend to you might work where those you would typically rely on, willingly abdicate that responsibility and generously cater for the alternative, but you are left to the mercy of the stranger’s humanity being a bonus, if available.

I guess few would never be convinced of the validity of our relationship, but that is not my problem. I understand it would take travelling almost 10,000 kilometres to be in receipt of that support and care.

I think it would be more than worthwhile for me, for him, for my recovery, and our relationship. He knows me, he knows my needs, he understands me well, and we are coming to six years together.

I am glad for the fact that there are more people who understand the intrinsic value of people, setting, and relationships for recuperation, I intend to make the best of it.