When The Metrics Don't Measure Our Pain

When IT Problems Defy Logic

There are days when a knotty IT issue becomes every bit a Gordian knot. Every which way you try to untie it, your efforts face a dilemma that seems insoluble, bordering on totally impossible.

The limits of your expertise are tested by situations that usually defy logic or comprehension. You could almost hear yourself wondering whether your analysis stands the test of cogency and a proper understanding of the issue.

Finding Compromises

I offered to help two colleagues with some intractable problems. In one case, we found a useful compromise, having identified the bottlenecks and eliminated the drag created by unreachable links embedded in an active document.

The other was a tougher proposition, not made easier by a user who was a serial tinkerer, effecting unauthorised changes to his device. Then, with shadow identities resulting from a poorly implemented user lifecycle process, everything that could go wrong did. This contrasted sharply with the better setup and possibly more docile cohort of our wider user community.

Grasping at Straws

Each time we thought we had something that explained the problem, the apparent lifeline turned into clutching at straws for dear life. A walk out in the cold did not progress matters. I have now shared the conundrum with a wider technical group, and they are probably just scratching their heads without offering the succour of knowing our pain.

The Metrics Game

It is in the midst of this that the management team expects us to close incidents to fulfil a numbers metric, without any notion of the background effort that goes into issues we simply cannot resolve promptly, conclusively, and confidently. Tomorrow is another day.

A Lighter Note

Meanwhile, I have been thinking along with Brian about suitable collective nouns that anyone can remember and make good sense of. We started with a Bambi of deer and quite likely a Nemo of clownfish. I also fancy a Shaun of sheep.

Held in Tension: Sexuality and Spirituality

Navigating Sexuality and Faith in Religious Spaces

There's a conversation I had recently that keeps replaying in my mind. It started with a Facebook post about the conflicts between sexuality and spirituality in Christian communities, and before I knew it, I was in a deep exchange with someone facing what they called a "horrifying" internal conflict. They were an aspiring Anglican priest in Nigeria, caught between their calling to ministry and their authentic self.

This isn't just their story. It's the story of countless individuals sitting in pews, leading worship, teaching Sunday school, or aspiring to ministry, whilst carrying a weight that feels unbearable. The conflict between sexuality and spirituality in religious settings is real, raw, and deeply personal.

The Weight of Worthiness

What struck me most in our conversation was how quickly we default to the language of worthiness and condemnation. My response to them came from years of wrestling with these same questions: Jesus died for us regardless. Grace teaches us godliness. These aren't just theological platitudes; they're lifelines for those drowning in guilt.

The fundamental question isn't whether God loves us despite who we are, but whether we can accept that God loves us because of who we are: fully, authentically, completely. When we understand that the Father sees us through what Christ did for us, not through what we do ourselves, it changes everything. Or at least, it should.

The Complexity of Conflict

As our conversation deepened, I found myself laying out the layers of conflict that many face. It's never just one thing. There's the matter of attraction itself: acknowledging it, understanding it, accepting it.

Then there's the question of what to do with that attraction. Do you seek companionship? Commit to celibacy? Try to change? Each path comes with its own set of challenges and consequences.

For those called to ministry, like my conversation partner, the stakes feel even higher. In conservative religious environments, particularly in places like Nigeria where the Anglican Church takes strongly traditional stances, the choice can feel impossible: your calling or your truth, your ministry or your authenticity.

The Geography of Grace

I mentioned Reverend Jide Macaulay to them: a gay Anglo-Nigerian Anglican priest who founded The House of Rainbow and now ministers in the UK. His story illustrates something crucial. Sometimes finding peace means finding new spaces. Not everyone can or should leave their religious community, but knowing that affirming spaces exist can be lifesaving.

The geographic and denominational differences in how churches handle these issues are stark. What's considered grounds for exclusion in one congregation might be celebrated in another. This isn't about church shopping for convenience; it's about finding communities where you can worship authentically and serve fully.

Compartmentalisation versus Integration

Near the end of our exchange, I suggested something that might sound counterintuitive: sometimes we need to compartmentalise to gain liberty from our conflicts. This isn't about living a double life or hiding parts of yourself. It's about recognising that different aspects of our identity might need different kinds of attention and space to develop.

You can be deeply spiritual and sexually aware. You can be called to ministry and attracted to the same sex. You can love God and struggle with church doctrine. These aren't contradictions to be resolved but tensions to be held with grace.

Moving Forward

What I've learnt from conversations like these is that there's no one-size-fits-all solution to navigating sexuality and faith. For some, the answer is finding affirming religious communities. For others, it's reinterpreting scripture through a more inclusive lens. Still others find peace in celibacy or in stepping away from organised religion whilst maintaining their spirituality.

The key is this: the conflict doesn't have to be horrifying. It can be transformative. It can lead to a deeper, more authentic faith, one that doesn't require you to leave parts of yourself at the church door.

To those facing these struggles, know that you're not alone. There are communities, resources, and people who have walked this path before you. The journey towards integrating your sexuality and spirituality might be challenging, but it doesn't have to be a journey of condemnation. It can be a journey towards wholeness, towards a faith that embraces all of who you are.

Because at the end of the day, any God worth worshipping is big enough to handle our complexity, our questions, and our authentic selves. The real question isn't whether God accepts us. It's whether we're brave enough to accept ourselves.

Photons on the Prostate - XXI: Living with the Trade-Offs

Following the Rules

It is somewhere between following my own rules of "Go Before You Go", or the situation making the rule irrelevant because it simply did not apply. I left church yesterday feeling alright and planned my route home in the rain.

I stopped off at Marks & Spencer, hoping to get a Christmas cake: that thick icing covering the juicy and moist fruitcake, that bargain offer after the season, going for a song. They had everything but that.

I could have made for home directly, but I took a circuitous route, going through an arcade or two, hoping to see a cake shop, until I was approaching home from an entirely different side of town.

The Cold Walk Home

As I was walking through the breezy, cold, barely above-zero weather; a scenario that activates the bladder at a higher frequency and urgency. I quickened my steps, hoping to get home just in time. Much as I did enter the foyer intact, I did not make it into my apartment before an unfortunate recurrence of something I thought was history.

I can report that I have a sufficiently longer time between visits to the toilet, though I might wake up thrice during the night for that too. I do try to gauge what opportunities I have to get to places before I need to wield my "Just Can't Wait" card. It is, however, not an exact science.

Managing the Reality

This is something I have grown accustomed to living with. The apparent safety that incontinence underwear offers means the dangers of embarrassment are reduced. It is usually a leak, then a full wetting.

In view of this, getting rid of prostate cancer through treatment, rather than having full bladder, bowel, and sexual function whilst under the threat of cancer you cannot predict, is always the better option. I would write on the matter of sexual desire at some point.

References

Blog - Men's things XXX: Let's talk Prostate Cancer

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - A year from starting radiotherapy

Blog - A prostate cancer diagnosis, one year on

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

Men's things XXX: Let's talk Prostate Cancer

Making Those Nature Calls

As I was about to leave the office yesterday evening, I followed that familiar credo: "Go before you go." It's one of those habits people of a certain age need to entertain before leaving the safety of indoors for the outdoors.

That is, visit the toilets. Return to that childhood scenario where your parents or guardians asked if you needed to use the toilet before commencing a journey. In fact, they would have probably made you go regardless of how you felt, to forestall a mishap at an unfortunate time.

A Poster to the Prostate

Anyway, I was gladdened to find on the inside of the cubicle doors in the Gents the prostate cancer campaign poster I had recommended, advising men to be aware and to check up on their prostate health.

In my view, it might make for a friendly conversation starter after we have used the facilities and are doing the essential ablutions following these intimate activities. I also hope to find other opportunities to share my experience with prostate cancer: the criticality for us all to know what the symptoms are and how catching issues early saves lives.

A Call to Healthy Brotherhood

Fundamentally, we need forums and spaces not only to broach matters of men's health, but to discuss men's things openly and without embarrassment, to give each and every one of us a fighting chance, and to support each other through challenging times. This matter calls for a brotherhood in arms. I am all for it.

Check your Prostate Cancer risk in 30 seconds.

References

Blog - Men's things XXIX: The Cubicle Next Door

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - A year from starting radiotherapy

Blog - A prostate cancer diagnosis, one year on

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

Know your symptoms.

1 in 8 men will get prostate cancer.

Know the symptoms.

Men's things XXIX: The Cubicle Next Door

An Uncomfortable Observation

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the Gents, where we have cubicles and no urinals. Next to mine, someone had entered, taking the standing stance. To my hearing, the stream continued for a considerable length of time, with different rates of flow.

This might have been an opportunity to talk to a stranger about "men's things". It may not be anything serious, but every indication suggested it should be checked out. When he emerged from the cubicle as I was leaving, it was a middle-aged white man.

Again, I felt no particular urgency comes with screening white men for prostate gland issues. When anything is caught, if it is cancer-related, it is often at a late stage. As an Englishman, I am wont to mind my own business, but is that a good enough excuse when you suspect there might be an issue with a stranger's urinary habits that might portend cancer?

Taking Quiet Action

Having had prostate cancer and knowing how issues with an enlarged prostate can be easily dismissed as signs of ageing or nothing of significant concern, I understand the need to educate people about prostate health. Knowing the symptoms to watch out for is important.

I have just gone down to our reception to suggest that some posters be put in the men's toilets informing them of prostate health issues. I have also received a response that the posters will be printed and put in the toilets tomorrow.

I hope that in doing this, men would become more aware of prostate health and go for check-ups if they are exhibiting any of the symptoms.

References

Blog - Men's things XXVIII: Shame, no national prostate cancer screening

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - A year from starting radiotherapy

Blog - A prostate cancer diagnosis, one year on

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

Poster from Prostate Cancer UK - 1-in-8 [PDF]

Opinion: Global Bystanders Giving Succour To Fellow Leaders

The Paradox of Purpose

What I want to write about and what I eventually get to write are usually different things, but I end up writing, and that is what matters. Sometimes, the thought processes involved in what might have ended up in the original material are not developed enough to constitute a coherent argument, and hence a quandary.

On some other topics, I resist the inclination to offer an opinion, not because the broadest spectrum of viewpoints has been exhausted, but because I cannot be bothered to join the fray as part of the baying and noisy crowd.

Then, I am gratified by the fact that my blog is my private playground, my personal journal, and, though it is open for interaction, conversation, and commentary with others, I exclusively curate the content and advise others to pen rejoinders in their own spaces if they cannot countenance my perspective for any reason.

When Rules Become Weapons

One thought has been percolating in my mind for days: the idea that the head of a school had put out a rule stating that anything that happens on the school grounds is part of schoolwork. Then someone decides to throw stones to break the glass windows, and that appears to pass for schoolwork, when it is entirely wrong.

Next, someone takes away someone else's lunch. The wronged cannot complain because it happened on the school grounds, and it would be passed off as schoolwork, despite the obvious injustice. Unruliness runs riot in the school community, with the authorities appearing to sanction and approve the abuse without consequence.

The Rise of Impunity

A kind of lasciviousness gains hold: an untrammelled exploitation of the weak and a perversion of order. Herein lies the inexorable rise of the playground bully, barely held to account and never held accountable, believing they have a licence to act with impunity, having gained immunity by the original pronouncement of schoolwork.

He takes another small boy in a stranglehold, stripping the child of any autonomy to the point of suffocation. Everyone on the playground cannot boldly come out to say the playground bully is wrong, out of fear of being on the receiving end of the bully's antics. Where they should have ganged up to teach the bully a lesson, the bully gains ascendancy, urged on by lethargic, cowering solipsism and doublespeak.

A Metaphor Unfolding

Behold, amongst you a metaphor of the state of the world today, and it will get worse until someone, and many, decide enough is enough. This bully has no lowest level; each time we have thought it could get no worse, he has plumbed new depths. In the traversal of the bottomless, something must catch that fall, or it will never end.

Think about it, can anyone call him to order?

Speaking Truth to Leading Questions

The Art of Honest Feedback

Sometimes, you are asked questions to which people may dislike the answers, especially when offering an unfiltered, honest opinion rather than trying to please or ingratiate. Much as I attempt to be circumspect, deploying the best use of language, spoken or written, to express yourself is a skill you should never waste.

It is preferable that people are fully aware of a situation rather than deluded into believing everything is fine. Knowing how to make yourself understood with complete clarity, without deception, is a skill that differentiates a machete from a scalpel.

However, I sometimes wonder, when invited to complete an anonymous survey, whether my honest views might reveal my identity. I suppose that’s to be expected. If you don’t want honest answers, don’t ask leading questions.