Any drone will do - The search for Joseph

It worked before

I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, there was another of those talent shows to be featured on the BBC.

Only in July last year, the hills were alive with the sound of croaking such that a telesales girl, Connie Fisher won the role and the professional star of the proposed show smartly pulled out for this talented girl to take the role fully as the lead and star.

The BCC reality show - How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? - looking for a lead for the Sound Of Music - Can be termed a resounding success, so why not try the format again on some other musical?

The wolfpack

Meanwhile, yesterday was the airing of another reality show, the cut-throat, Machiavellian, brown-nosing, back-stabbing and utterly "nice" The Apprentice (Series 3), I could only watch parts of it because some of the machinations just make you cringe - I am no trader, salesman, door-stepper kind of person, the driven ambition work for Sir Alan Sugar is unique, rare and interesting, but I set my terms for taking opportunities and I wish those people great success.

However, I could not help but notice the business disruption that Sir Alan introduced into the game when after each team of boys and girls had selected a project manager with whom they were beat the other team to smithereens, the team leaders were switched - that made compelling viewing.

For all this?

Unfortunately, the real-life car salesman - Andy Jackson - who had built his own business was what the losing team surmised as exchanging a tiger for a teddy bear - he was stitched up by the boys and he failed to lead the girls, the tiger however, did have her hands full marshalling the egotistical boys - it would be a funny episode.

Both winners of the first two episodes have since left the employ of Sir Alan, the first, Timothy Campbell was bid Godspeed, the second, Michelle Dewberry seems to be a long story - one wonders, after all that brouhaha and headache the winner might not even want to work for Sir Alan after all - no interview is perfect.

The person who gets fired does not walk out of the project scot-free, do not miss the spin-off The Apprentice: You're Fired hosted by Adrian Chiles immediately after the main programme in BBC Two, where the fired gets a complete autopsy of their time with The Apprentice.

Any prick will do

However, what gets my rattle is the new talent show to be called Any Dream Will Do, the main song from the musical Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour DreamCoat, the most contemporary performance of the lead role was by Jason Donovan.

Joseph is to make a return to the WestEnd and with it a new lead from the masses of the great unwashed is needed to croon or drone to enthusiastic family members first, then to the television public and finally the winner gets a dream to work like a dog making a name for himself.

Thankfully, from the run for The Sound Of Music, the judges are of a considerable of a higher standard of decorum and reserved expression than Simon Cowell who as judge on Pop Idol is utterly successful but no English Gentleman. In fact, it was interesting when Anderson Cooper interviewed him on CNN to learn that he cannot sign, write music, play a guitar properly and does not produce either, he just has an eye for good talent and helps them along - so much for being skilled.

I was Pharaoh of all Egypt

I in fact remember that I did not have to audition for the part of Pharaoh in my school's rendition of Joseph some 32 years ago; Mrs. Third with her amazing artistic talent bedecked me with a majestic crown of imitation jewellery - rubies, agates, turquoise mounted on the head dress and a shimmering golden vest.

The pictures show the detail, yes, I still have pictures of a lot more that happened before I could write. The format was such that the school choir did all the signing and we mimed, there went my opportunity to become a tenor, though I have sung baritone in the church choir.

Where it matters for me, I made Joseph my deputy when apparently I had been having bad dreams and Joseph was able to interpret those dreams and ensure that my people did not starve to death, it was one of my descendants that enslaved the Jews, you cannot blame me for that.

Anyway, Baron Lloyd-Webber, the impresario and panel of judges which includes the dashing John Barrowman and the compeering of Graham Norton would be selecting a Joseph who can sign, dance and interpret dreams. In tandem would also run a talent show for a school choir to accompany Joseph in A cappella Ah-Ha-ha's.

It would seem we are running out of talent for something original in reality shows, however, whose dream would come true and commiserations for the many who would be a dream short of a nightmare.

The memories of stardom long ago

The Pharaoh in all his glory - the choir below

Joseph interpreting my dreams

Pharaoh's court