Hotel life: Forks at the ready

Not half a bun fight

He needs a napkin, he had just been hit in the face with a toffee bun and it’s all over his nose. It did not take long as a family arrived and all one would hear from the raucous voice of the alpha male was that it cost a lot of money.

We know, but we do not stay as guests in this hotel to scream about cost, the situation is understated and the appearance is sophisticated, when one needs to speak, a modicum of decorum is not out of place.

However, speaking with ones mouth full is just beyond the pale, we endured it throughout dinner but that just opened our eyes to other misdemeanours that had been overlooked all the while.

Sword fights on a plate

The use of cutlery is as revealing as you would get it from not knowing how to use the placements from the entree to the plat principal to usages that were the cross between fencing and a sword fight with Robin Hood.

Metal to plate like a black smith working on a anvil, the deafening cacophony was arranged like a symphony for the deranged, but when sound comes from the armour on the clattering white horses galloping on the red hills of the buccal cavity, have your smelling salts handy.

I would give it no more airing but being present and having presence are attributes of breeding and nurture that the ability to afford cannot bestow on the present.

A brick house indeed

Full-bodied, that was not the wine but she who should not keep you abreast of events lest you be smothered – if she had a profession, she probably would be a soprano, she had the volume in all the senses of that word in opera to make her presence felt on stage and in your hearing.

Alas, that might not be the case for her couturier accentuated what should not have been accentuated and eliminated what should have been made the more prominent.

If your chairs have arms, your elbows should really not be on the table, not that they should ever be there except in arm wrestling, I need some air or maybe one is just being earnestly facetious.