Thought Picnic: Home is far from that home

An answer 40 years on

One of those incidental conversations with the patriarch brought some insight into why he did not go into practice but remained a corporation man.

As a community person with dependant relations he felt he did not outlay to branch out on his own when he had to consider the responsibilities he had and the way demands were made on the resources he had.

One had always wondered why as an accountant and a brilliant one at that, why, and the answer came in a conversation that has become the mainstay of the discussions for the past year.

Being too good for company

Here, one is, a single man who has not been in a serious relationship for 11 years after 7 years of wonderful partnership, one sometimes wonders if the residual effects of that break-up has left indelible scars that any new prospect has not had the commitment desired.

Having lived alone for 15 years, it is quite a big ask to expect that the comforts of individuality would be jettisoned for the prospect of some tenancy based of whatever relationship that could be conjured in the minds of those that will it.

Indeed, the need for help in very vulnerable times is essential but that need should not as others desire become the impetus for partnership, but that view does not gel with him.

At least this time, he half conceded that he could only give advice the choices were left to the principals affected and the conversation developed further.

Pretensions to a weakening link

Over half of one’s life has been spent in Europe and most especially the last 20 years, whilst there is an affinity for things Nigerian, one must not pretend to greater integration with Nigeria than one really is.

The continuing fight has been the struggle to be accepted there even if one does not imbibe most of the nuances, the idea that the final years would be best spent in Nigeria is wishful at best – there exists no such inclination and Nigeria does not need to subscribe to some Saviour-complex where the Moses from abroad has come to lead the people out of slavery.

Whilst one can comment extensively on a whole range of issues as to be so affected and concerned about them, there has to be the resignation to the fact that sometimes some Nigerian norms and mores would just never be fully understood and appreciated.

Can change be instigated from afar? Maybe not. Is the society ready for change commandeered from within but spearheaded from returnees? Only if it would not breed animosity, resentment and unrelenting opposition.

In grave doubt

We can only share what we have and hope that in the end common-sense would prevail – there are no life goals detailed for Nigeria and besides for all sorts of reasons and most especially that of health and the maintenance of what one has by the help of good medical services – visits are opportunities but residence is completely out of the question.

In some ways, one is not convinced that a visit would not breed an ulterior motive of keeping one there, a foreboding and anticipation which belies that feeling of not trusting fully the goodwill of interested parties leaves one considering a neutral meeting place where no one has undue influence to marshal an agenda detrimental to the other.