Thought Picnic: My hopes coaching my reality

Wanting to board

Days come and go as a recent past seems to hang on to my present with a grasp that beclouds the future offering a story that I feel is already worn and probably excites no more of the context it once had over a year ago.

My options appear varied but the direction is fuzzy, it is like I got to a station and the train I was about to board just sped through without stopping and there is no inkling when the next would arrive.

The strings on my violin have been strained out of tune, somehow the chap who was diagnosed with cancer just over 19 months ago, who more or else enjoyed 5 months of chemotherapy and returned to work within 6 weeks of that appears to be at a loss.

Laurels looking tarnished

My experience could stand me in good stead but it does not seem to be enough, it appears one has been left behind with the stark reality of having to recoup, realign, rearrange, rethink, refocus and probably restart.

A fearful crossroad looms where divestment of a life of acquisitions might well be the lightened burden one needs to consider however uncomfortable it might be.

I call it the long tail of disease, it does not really stop when you appear to be well enough to reengage, the residual effects continue long after one has been through the darkest recesses of life when all hope is so distant it takes the love of many and some amazingly daring faith to come through it all.

Getting beyond around

At a point where I seem to be losing my religion and running out of ideas of maintaining relevance without going back to the fundamentals you really hope rock-bottom provides a bounce of sorts and a plateau that is much higher that the depths and travails that encircle making your heart skip multiple beats as you draw deep breaths contemplating what is ahead.

I am continually asking questions whilst I am working to appreciate what change is required like writer’s block this is looking like a career block the jobs out there all just seem to have one hurdle more, one requirement more, one barrier more, one consequence more, it all appears to add up to something beyond reach.

I dare to think I have not really reached that stage but what I have left is really my hopes coaching my reality; it is needs to be exercised to the point where all my capabilities are resolutely with much to spare beyond my realities.