Hello Dr Dick, my friends need a ...

Repairs done here

A rather funny conversation ensued in my taxi cab ride to work yesterday on an interesting, but also sensitive subject.

I had just read about André van der Merwe, a South-African urologist who had headed a team of surgeons in performing the first successful penis transplant in the world in December 2014.

Whilst attempts have been made before to transplant the penis, in this case, the recipient of this wonderful gift of surgery and apparent return to manhood now can urinate, can have an erection, can experience an orgasm and can even ejaculate. I guess it is time to make babies. [BBC News]

One point to note is that South Africans have pioneered various firsts in surgery that have become commonplace as in the case of Christiaan Barnard who performed the world’s first heart transplant in 1967 and Patrick Soon-Shiong who performed the world's first full pancreas transplant in 1987.

Fixing the system

Now, Dr van der Merwe or for simplicity sake ‘Dr. Dick’ was addressing an absolute necessity in South Africa where the Xhosa boys were involved in a rite of passage, Ulwaluko which involves genital circumcision and the initiation into manhood. These circumcision rites have claimed 853 lives in the last 20 years, however, for those who survive the ordeal, they may have had a botched circumcision.

These circumcision activities done in non-sterile bush environments following traditions that one might be persuaded to suggest be abandoned are in terms, dangerous, when not performed by qualified medical personnel.

This is where Dr Dick is now in high demand for his expertise in repairing the damage caused by these crude circumcision abattoirs and I could imagine that eventually when more people are trained up to perform this procedure, other men who are not particularly gifted in the endowment area might seek generous augmentation.

Change has come

By terms, this is a difficult procedure and probably hard to master, but when this becomes commonplace, you wonder how freely men would avail themselves of this opportunity and gift when presented with the choices of length, girth, curvature, and dare I say, colour matching.

At the same time, I guess this gives the concept of organ donor a completely new meaning. The race to endow and perform has begun with new aspects of penis envy becoming the staple of tabloid fodder. The kiss-and-tell of ex-partners spilling the beans of how from the acorns they once knew oaks have suddenly sprung.

Just as Viagra has banished non-performance to the posthumous state, Dr Dick has brought to life the fact that just because you were cut badly or were born with something less wieldy, you have to live with it.

In terms of commendations, Dr Dick can have any Nobel Prize of his choosing, for Medicine and Physiology for obvious reasons, for Chemistry in that it might make a great difference, for Physics just because the earth moved, for Literature if anyone writes about their exploits and for Economics if the recipient considers becoming an International gigolo.

Pick your dick and watch it click.