Monday, 21 February 2022

Thought Picnic: A clam seeking calm

A fish climbing trees

I find that I could be quite internally irritable, seeking the convenience and comfort of my recluse than engage with anything or anyone. Probably a matter of the temperament and the inclination to withdraw into my own shell like a clam. And like a clam, I naturally do not want to be prised open, for the clam shells open to filter feed and close for protection and security.

Obviously, one is not channelling one’s apparently piscine attributes, it is not like I have taken to water like any of the inhabitants therein. Yet, it is an aspect of my personality that is mostly misunderstood and whilst I could be tempted to make excuses for the how and the why I choose not to communicate, I appreciate that people need to communicate and interact even reluctantly.

Just being human

I wonder if in my phlegmatic state if mind, I have become sclerotic or I am just putting too much thought into this when I should just make allowances within the tolerances of the elements of endurance, I have the capacity for. I sigh in the quest for all the mental energy to contain my circumstances, of commission, of omission, of admission, or immersion in the things I control and those I cannot.

Then, I am not a complex or complicated being, more misunderstood and unknown, to whom aspects of predictability have been ascribed by reason of expectations that are not essentially true. It is not a case of enigmatic, it is one of being human, with all the accoutrements of vulnerability, unreasonableness, irascibility, and occasional sensibleness. This is a work in process with too many imperfections finding a means of expression.

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